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I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for 5 happy years. The issue is my art work is highly sexual and needs to be continuely fed new inspiration so I can continue to create. My wife knew what my painting was all about when she married me. I always assumed from her seeing my work, that she knew anonymous sex was part of my process. In other words, I have sex with other women, but I don’t discuss it with her. 

I guess with this whole Tiger Woods thing now I’m getting a bit paranoid. This unspoken don’t ask don’t tell arrangement has me somewhat anxious lately, as my wife is talking about getting pregnant and I want to have a more secure arrangement before we have a child. When we got married, I thought that maybe someday we would have kids, but I didn’t know that 5 years of sleeping around would go so fast.

So, do I tell her or go with the status quo which has been working quite well? My painting is important to me and I don’t want to have to give it up. The married sex just doesn’t work for me.

Tight Lipped

Dear Tight-

Let’s be honest. Sleeping around is fun. And using your painting as a reason to do it and not tell your wife is a load of crap to you, me, her and likely everyone reading this letter, although I do think YOU believe that you think your painting is a legitimate reason for having anonymous sex.

Okay, so I think it’s bullshit, but supposing you don’t agree with me, then it still seems like a conversation you should have with your wife anyway if she is to understand and support you and your art.

And if she’s not okay with it, and if your art is important enough to you, then go with the consequences and negotiate up front next time with the next partner about your artistic process.

The good news is, that since you’re an artist, unlike Tiger Woods, it’s highly unlikely that any of the women you’ve slept with are going to crawl out of the woodwork looking for hush money.

LOVE U!!

Dr.Lisa

Do you have a question that you would like answered by Dr. Lisa? Send it to lisa@gallerybeat.net

I just graduated from a good college with a degree in fine arts. I’ve been considering hooking up with a “Sugar Daddy” from a site like www.seekingarrangement.com, to help me start my art career. I know if I can just get started, I will make it as an artist quickly, and then I can find someone and get into a real “love” relationship.

The reason I’m writing to you is because my best friend is saying she doesn’t want to know me if I do this. We went to college together and now that I have a plan like this, I think she’s jealous. What do you think, how should I handle this with her? I wish I’d never told her, but now she’s been asking me if I’ve signed up on the site.

Thanks!

-Sugar Baby

Dear Baby-

You’re missing one important, essential ingredient: R-E-A-L-I-T-Y. Think about this, you will be trading your making art for sex. Which means you’ll be selling your body, not your work.

I also get a sense of defensiveness in your self-assurance you “will make it as an artist quickly”. Andt  your sense that your friend is “jealous”. If your work was really that good or if you believed it was that good, why would you need an ‘art-for-sex’ deal? A lot of promising students have galleries and serious interest in their work before they leave school.

I suspect that you are trying to take the easy way out. And if you really want to make it as an artist, or in pretty much any successful career, that doesn’t exist. Ask yourself if you are really committed to your work. Are you motivated to make art?

Many artists start careers working in galleries, coffee shops, etc. until they can make a living off their work or otherwise. I suggest you look into the backgrounds of many well-known women artists you admire and find some good role models. And I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that being attractive and charming is helpful in furthering ones career, but it won’t sell unworthy work to any intelligent collector.

One of the smart choices that you’ve made is in your friend. Hold on to that friend, you’re going to need her.

LOVE U!

-Dr. Lisa

Her current projects: As Dr. Lisa, she the resident psychotherapist for the new GalleryBeat web series from Paul H-O. She answers questions and does therapy sessions on artists, and then posts as videos. She also performs psychoanalysis on comedians in “Stand Up. Lie Down,” her show at Comix/Ochis’ Lounge, www.comixny.com on the third Thursday of every month.

Lisa also makes conceptual art and has exhibited widely at venues such as White Columns, Artists Space, Printed Matter, The New Museum and the Scope Art Fair. See some of Lisa’s art here: http://www.psychotherapylive.com/art.html

And as an advertising art director, she has worked at top ad agencies such as McCann-Erickson, TBWA and Ogilvy & Mather on accounts like American Express, Absolut Vodka and Crest Toothpaste. In addition to a Clio, she won a Grand Prize of $83,000, in a national search for a new Hebrew National Salami advertising campaign. 

Her other performances include “Psychotherapy LIVE!” where she plays
shrink to the audience and “Red Carpet LIVE!” where she is a red carpet host. She has also created hamster bowling, culminating in an appearance on David Letterman in Stupid Pet Tricks.

For more about Lisa’s projects, go to www.lisalevyindustries.com