Hi Dr. Lisa-
I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for 5 happy years. The issue is my art work is highly sexual and needs to be continuely fed new inspiration so I can continue to create. My wife knew what my painting was all about when she married me. I always assumed from her seeing my work, that she knew anonymous sex was part of my process. In other words, I have sex with other women, but I don’t discuss it with her.
I guess with this whole Tiger Woods thing now I’m getting a bit paranoid. This unspoken don’t ask don’t tell arrangement has me somewhat anxious lately, as my wife is talking about getting pregnant and I want to have a more secure arrangement before we have a child. When we got married, I thought that maybe someday we would have kids, but I didn’t know that 5 years of sleeping around would go so fast.
So, do I tell her or go with the status quo which has been working quite well? My painting is important to me and I don’t want to have to give it up. The married sex just doesn’t work for me.
Tight Lipped
Dear Tight-
Let's be honest. Sleeping around is fun. And using your painting as a reason to do it and not tell your wife is a load of crap to you, me, her and likely everyone reading this letter, although I do think YOU believe that you think your painting is a legitimate reason for having anonymous sex.
Okay, so I think it's bullshit, but supposing you don't agree with me, then it still seems like a conversation you should have with your wife anyway if she is to understand and support you and your art.
And if she's not okay with it, and if your art is important enough to you, then go with the consequences and negotiate up front next time with the next partner about your artistic process.
The good news is, that since you’re an artist, unlike Tiger Woods, it’s highly unlikely that any of the women you’ve slept with are going to crawl out of the woodwork looking for hush money.
LOVE U!!
Dr.Lisa
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